Lauren | Tori | Emily | KELLYq | Jerome | Caitlar the Queen | Phylan | Justin Douglas | D.C. | The Mayor |
Lauren McMahon (e-mail) is the Editor of The Bathtub. She is fully aware that "Editor of The Bathtub" is the coolest title she will ever possess.
Lauren likes learning and enforcing rules; this habit is manifested in her day job editing things, her side gig reffing basketball, and her weekend hobby of ruining board games for everyone by insisting on pulling out the rulebook every five minutes. She will be parlaying this habit, along with her love of graphs and charts, into a weekly column for The Bathtub called "Too Much Information."
Lauren's other blog is LMNOP.
Tori (e-mail) is an ex-P.E. teacher/schoolbus driver who enjoys marching band to the extent that most people enjoy masturbating. Tori is surprisingly good at cookie-decorating, shockingly bad at interacting with cats, and decidedly mediocre at Boggle.
Until just recently, Tori was starving to death on a snow-capped mountain in the far-off land of Patagonia, but now she's back in the northern hemisphere, regularly ingesting far more guacamole than is prudent and less-than-actively seeking employment.
Rarely does Tori give a crap about feminist issues, but she will be blogging in this area as a means of putting to use her otherwise worthless major in Feminist, Gender, & Sexuality Studies. Her column is called "Men in Cages."
Emily was born in Chamblee, Ga., but doesn't have a Southern accent. She writes "Emily's Trivia Quiz." She grew up in Potomac/Bethesda and currently spends her days as a children's bookseller. When she's not doing that, she spends a lot of time watching television and rooting for the Terps. She doesn't know what she's going to be when she grows up, so if you come up with anything appropriate, please let her know.
Emily loves politics, reading, crossword puzzles and other nerdy ventures, but considers shopping a competitive sport. She also really loves the color pink and throwing parties. For herself.
KELLYq (e-mail), author of "KELLYq & a," is The Bathtub's advice columnist. She holds a dual degree in Adviceonomy and Adviceology from the University of Maryland During the day, she is a teacher in a well-funded public school she would never be stupid enough to mention by name. At night, she is generally very tired, but finds time to play The Sims 2, watch Top Chef, and look at pictures of kittens on the internet.
Her recent accomplishments include: yelling at Will Bowers outside of a Wawa, advancing to the regionals in a Rock-Paper-Scissors tournament, and hugging Ben Folds at the 9:30 club. In The Bathtub, she will be giving you advice and explaining things to you, such as, "Hey, I think you should use conditioner," or, "That knob makes the water hotter when you turn it to the left."
Jerome is a grad student hailing from Silver Spring, MD. He currently works for a Democratic political firm in Washington DC. This job enables him to be a major player in DC's high-stakes power game; for example, he recently assembled some office chairs.
If you asked him to describe himself in 3 words, he wouldn't, because he doesn't have time for your games.
He enjoys Pad Thai, the Redskins, and the show Beauty and the Geek. We are excited to have Jerome pen, among other things, his soon-to-be-award-winning column "One Nation Under Jerome," a collection of musings about people, politics, and culture in America, or interesting things he saw, or, you know, whatever.
Caitlar the Queen sees life sunny side up. By day she frolics through the rich pastures of U.S. immigration law. By night she cuddles with "the world's cutest kitten brothers" while baking and watching E!.
Caitlar loves all things pretty, including, but not limited to: kittens, puppies, babies, smiles, singing, rainbows, gumdrops, diamonds, shoes, Vogue, and famous people. And Penn State. And Philadelphia.
She has the uncanny ability to make anything into a song. Sometimes she pretends she's Jewish. At all times she is happy. Her column, "Shiny Happy Caitlar," revolves around the things she loves. Her raves are the strawberry flavored bubbles that give a fun flavor to the tub.
Phylan writes YouTub, a weekly review of some of the best and worst clips YouTube has to offer in relation to The Bathtub's current theme. A more complete bio of Phylan is in the works; right now it's all he can do to keep that flowing Jesus mane in check.
YouTub runs on Thursdays as a buffer between the sardonic Mayor and ever-effusive Caitlar.
Justin Douglas was born through the usual opening not too long ago. He has made it a personal goal to make the world a better place, though he hasn't gotten around to it just yet due to a combination of Zelda, the internet, crosswords and a programming job. Every week he will enrich your life with "Nerdish Leanings," a column containing occasionally disposable ramblings on dinosaurs, computers, puzzles and everything else you're too embarrassed to admit that you like.
D.C. (email) lives in Washington, D.C. and is the author of "Reasonable Doubt," which will revolve around his experience as a current law student. His previous contributions to society include . . . well, nothing. It doesn't look like this column is going to change that.
D.C. is every white guy you've ever met. He has a common first name, a common last name of indeterminate ethnicity, brown hair, brown eyes, medium height, and a medium build. He went to a large state college.
Don't be fooled by the outward appearance of blandness. He's killed men for sport.
In order to know and love The Mayor you should know that she is a generally happy person. It may not always come off this way in "The Mayor's Weekly Address," or in "E-Bathing," or in person for that matter. However, she claims to like puppies, sunshine, cupcakes and hanging out in bathtubs (both on and off the internet). She peaked intellectually at the age of eight, and comedically at the age of fourteen. Somewhat relatedly, her proudest moment involves secretly writing a pun about the 43rd president and lesbianism into her high school newspaper.
Every opinion she holds is well-informed and meticulously researched, meaning she is always right. Proving The Mayor wrong would most likely destroy the universe, so please, avoid doing so at all costs.
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